"Inspiring You to Reinvent Yourself"
Dear Friends,
Reducing stress has become a source of stress in my life. I am certain that many of you have just said, "Yes!" or some such outburst of agreement. After all, doesn't research indicate an inverse correlation between overall health and stress levels? When stress rises health erodes. Health improves as we reduce stress.*
*Two notes for this past paragraph: a. Please don't ask for citations, facts are not what this post is about; and b. Please remember that correlations are not cause and effect -- which is the chicken and which is the egg, and what if both sides of the correlation are, I don't know, parallel donkeys?
Reducing my stress in a world going mad has become tricky. Picture the Ostrich with her head buried in the ground. Do you imagine her to be relaxed? I don't. I see her haunches quivering with fear. I see her breath held, awaiting the inevitable approach of unseen terrors, increasing in monstrosity every second. By hiding in plain sight, our mythical Ostrich has ceded control over her fate to others and made herself a near perfect target for adversaries.
I gained a long-held belief from my family's history that self-blinding (e.g. naivete about humankind's potential for evil) is the handmaiden of self-destruction. I look with pride on being third generation American across the board (very unusual for a Jewish woman of my age from central and eastern European origin). All eight of my great-grandparents left Europe at the turn of the 20th century. These ancestors looked the danger from increasing anti-Semitism in the eye. Decisively, they each risked and invested everything in survival, freedom, and a fair chance for their children, my parents, my brother and me (and cousins) and our next generations of offspring.
I learned to pay attention. Follow the news. Listen to my internal alarm. And because my parents were the offspring of these alert ancestors and highly liberal New Yorkers, I learned that bigotry, injustice or violence toward anyone should ring that alarm.
Stress exacerbates Fibromyalgia symptoms. I strive not to watch the news, read past the newspaper's comics or agonize long over other people's (and peoples') pain. But this effort itself produces anxiety: I know something is happening out there, but what exactly? "Stay informed," whispers my entire bloodline, "It matters." So, eventually, I catch up.
The straw that broke my Fibro body's back earlier this week was this article in The Atlantic Monthly. Consider yourself warned -- follow the link at the risk of never sleeping well again. http://www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2015/02/what-isis-really-wants/384980/
This terrifying analysis landed on a huge pile of straws my weakening back was already balancing*:
*I'm speaking broadly below, folks, to show you my mindset.
- Concerns about my own resources for living, now and into retirement;
- A nation that finds shooting unarmed, Black men viscerally acceptable and acts as if child shooting deaths have little to do with gun laws;
- My beloved President pussyfooting around international issues important to me and disdained and hobbled in Congress regarding social issues important to me.
- The spread, influence and government sanction of obscene greed.
- Women's rights put up for discussion and erosion again, as if they are less than human rights.
- Ancient forms of anti-Semitism awakening as people and governments grow desperate, frightened and enraged.
Two days ago, I read The Atlantic Monthly's article and could not sleep. I vibrated with near-panic level anxiety, collapsed for a few hours in the morning and awoke with Fibro Fog (reduced mental acuity) and a body that ached as if inflamed everywhere. Today, I am still striving to recuperate from the spike in symptoms, known in the Fibromyalgia community as a Flare.
I dubbed this bout of unwellness "Fibro Smog" because I feel polluted and sickened by empathy's poor showing against indifference and hatred.
Yes, I am restarting a mindfulness meditation practice; yes, I am reflecting and writing; yes, I am walking. Yes to following all the recommendations for stress reduction. Yet I am not yet reaching a healthy balance between self-care and engagement in the world.
It is very stressful, failing to manage my stress.
Please, world, a little cooperation? Pretend that everything is all about me. What I need from you is kindness, goodness, generosity, curiosity, patience, joy, laughter, and a laying down of aggressors' and defenders' swords at the same time. Is that really too much to ask for the sake of a good night's sleep? I don't think so. Thank you so much!
Love, Rhonda
